5th and 10: Thoughts from my Couch Week 14


One of my favorite Christmas traditions is watching the same movies every year. And of course my all time favorite is ELF. It makes me laugh every time. But this year, ELF was even better. My little 4-year-old daughter watched it with me. She watched the whole thing, laughed at the right parts, and truly seemed to enjoy herself. She’s already really funny and I look forward to watching more stupidly funny movies with her.

So it may be cliché. In fact it may go way beyond cliché. But I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy from my movie date with my little ELF so give me a break. We’re going to have an ELF themed blog today. If you’ve seen the movie, hopefully you’ll appreciate the inside jokes. If you haven’t seen the movie, then you are just a cotton headed ninny muffin!

As always, here’s what I’m looking for going into Week 14;


  • Christmas Miracle! Only three days into December we had our first miracle. Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary was amazing. The Packers might have been lucky since there wasn’t actually a facemask penalty, but still amazing. The Lions continue to find new ways to break their fans hearts.


  • Mall Santa. They look like a good football team. But they aren’t quite as good as an actual good football team. And with a closer look you realize that they sit on a thrown of lies. The New York Giants have led 5 different games this year in the 4th quarter only to lose. I bet they don’t even know what song a good football team would sing to me on my birthday.


  • Off the naughty list. All of a sudden the Seahawks look amazing again. They might have found themselves just in time to be the team that nobody wants to play. Just like Buddy in a snowball fight. But can they win all the playoff games on the road?


  • Syrup makes everything better. And Jameis Winston makes everyone around him better. I am a believer! The Buccaneers rookie QB is good at football. I wish Jameis and I could get drunk in a mailroom, have a tickle fight and finally a dance party. Then we’d be best friends.


  • Central Park Rangers. The “bad guys” in ELF look cool running around but don’t seem to really do anything. Just like the Oakland Raiders! Still look good in the Silver and Black but aren’t going to put up much of a fight on the field. AC/DC is a cool nickname for Carr and Cooper; I’ll give them that.


  • The yellow ones don’t stop. In this reach of a metaphor the Yellow cab(Steelers) ran over Buddy(Colts). Who would have thought that America’s favorite undefeated QB would lose before the Golden State Warriors? What’s that? Everyone did. Fine, moving on.


  • Smiling is the best. Fantasy owners everywhere were smiling watching the insane back and forth games between the Jags/Titans and Panthers/Saints. What a way to end the fantasy regular season. If you had some of these players, well done. If you didn’t, you might feel like you just ate some gum off the subway rail.


  • World’s Best Cup of Coffee! False advertising is not nice. Like when everyone said that the Patriots were clearly the best team in football. And then they go and lose to Chip Kelly and the Eagles? I’m only saying this now because I’m scared to death of the Pats in the playoffs, when all their players are healthy. My backup plan is to buy Belichick some Lingerie just to confuse him. “For my someone special, love Tom”


  • Buddy the Elf, What’s your favorite color? Orange of course! With the Pats loss the Top 2 teams in the AFC are the Broncos and Bengals. Could be quite a showdown in Week 16, but first the Bengals have to get through the Steelers this week.


  • Three team Parlay: Min +9, Cin -3, and NE-3.5. Just like Buddy realized he wasn’t meant to make toys at the North Pole, I’ve realized I shouldn’t make bets on the NFL. On the other hand, I asked my friend Mr. Narwol and he said this is our week!




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