5th and 10: Thoughts from my Couch Week 11


My family and I went on vacation. We were only gone for a week but it seems like so much is different in the NFL. We were on a cruise so not only did I not see the Week 9 games, I didn’t even see the highlights. I only saw the scores later on. I have no feel for how the games went.

I love the little moments that can change momentum. The gutsy calls in the second quarter that completely changes the game. The missed tackle that turned what should have been a 4-yard gain into a 40-yard touchdown. You can’t get any of that from the box score on your phone in Key West, on your way to the ice cream machine to give your daughter her 6th cone of the day.

We had a great time on vacation. My family is the best. And we were home in time to see the Week 10 games from my couch, while yes, still eating ice cream.

As always, here is what I’m looking for heading into week 11:


  • Stinky Cheese. Remember three weeks ago when it was an argument if the Packers or the Patriots were the best team in the league? Now after three straight losses, Green Bay looks like they are in trouble. Speaking of Stinky cheese, I bet fat Eddie Lacy would love some cheese. Along with another pizza, some doughnuts and a diet coke. Please don’t bring up the fact that I’m making fun of an elite athlete days after I ate twice my body weight in seafood and crème Brule.


  • Unlucky #7. Poor Cowboys. They lost their seventh game in a row on Sunday. They thought they had it won when Jameis Winston was diving for the game winning touchdown and the ghost of Dat Nguyen knocked the ball out at the one. The Cowboys recovered and they had dreams of winning the terrible NFC East. But sadly there was a defensive holding call and they did end up giving up the game winning TD. How ‘Bout them Cowboys?


  • Fantasy Dream. The surest thing in fantasy sports this year has been to play any player that is taking on the New Orleans Saints. That continued this week when Kirk Cousins ripped apart the Saints defense. You like that! Sadly, the Saints have a bye this week. Hopefully they come back with brand new ways to be terrible and win us a little money on FanDuel.


  • Best Backup Ever. Must be nice when you are battling for a playoff spot and your starting QB is injured on the first drive to bring in a future hall of famer that is one of the best five QB’s in the league right now. Ben Roethlisberger didn’t look like he was carted off the field the week before. Why wasn’t he starting? Poor Browns, they thought they had a shot.


  • Just like they planned it. Not many people know this but the Jacksonville Jaguars have a special play where they let time expire, Bortles falls down, nobody on offense moves, and they Jedi mind trick the defense into a face mask penalty so they can kick a game winning FG. They ran it to perfection on Sunday.


  • All I do is win, no matter what what what. The great American poets DJ Khaled, T-Pain and Ludacris must have been speaking about the Patriots and Panthers. These teams could take the rest of the season off and still make the playoffs. But I’m guessing the Panthers will show up to see if they can stop Hall of Famer Kirk Cousins. And the Patriots might be curious to see whom Rex Ryan trots out as his captain this week.


  • New Kids on the Block. It looks like there will be a few new division champions this year. The Vikings and the Cardinals took control of their divisions. Jonathan, Joey, Donnie, and Danny would be proud of these teams for hangin’ tough.


  • I’m gonna Pop! For all of the 5th Down fans that have been reading this all season. You knew this was coming, I can’t hold it any more…What happened to my Broncos! I go away for one week and all of a sudden they are terrible? Is it possible that Peyton Manning really is 59 years old? Is it possible that our defense is not the greatest ever? Is it possible that they are about to unleash Brock Osweiler on the league and we won’t ever lose again? I think we can all agree the answer is YES to all three questions. Just kidding…our defense still might be the best ever.


  • Match up of the Week: Packers @ Vikings. What perfect timing for the Vikings. What an opportunity to kick the Packers while they are down. But doesn’t it seem like it’s time for Aaron Rodgers to remind people that he is really good at football. Either way. Should be fun.


  • Three Team Parley: Jacksonville -3, Washington +7.5, and New England -7. I left all my bad luck in the Bahamas. Plus I asked my cruise director, some pirates, and a dolphin…This is our week!




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