I recently wrote a post lampooning the Marlins and Marlins fans to take a shot a Billy. Caleb’s team is the Orioles, but thanks to Cal Ripken and Matt Wieters, I like the Orioles. Instead, I plan to mock the Nationals. Caleb likes D.C. sports, maybe I’ll strike a nerve. It also somewhat pains me that I will be going to see them play the Phillies when my wife and I are up there. Do I plan to wear Braves gear and be that guy? Most definitely.
So here are ten key facts* about the Nationals for your enjoyment.
10. The Nationals were, are, and forever will be the dads in the Braves/Nationals father-son game.
Think of them as the tonsils of the Braves organization. Also, can someone please buy Dan Uggla bigger shirts?
9. Yunel Escobar is the Kim Kardashian of baseball.
You know who he is by name, you’re not sure why he’s famous, and, after watching him play, you’re not sure what he contributes to the human race.
8. The average annual attendance of joint sessions of Congress is higher than attendance at Nationals Park.
Nationals baseball: Less interesting than Congressional bickering
7. Stephen Strasburg moonlights as a muppet.
Davey Johnson was Dr. Bunsen Honeydew in this analogy. He’s since been fired for mismanaging Strasburg’s recovery from Tommy John—and because he’s a crappy manager.
6. The Nationals are holding Teddy the Mascot’s family hostage and forcing him to throw the presidents’ race.
FDR had the New Deal; Teddy got the Raw Deal.
5. The Nationals signed Zimmerman and Zimmermann expressly to punish their uniform staff for coming up with that stupid “W” logo.
4. Thanks to their “nattitude” campaign, the Nationals will now forever be associated with Natural Light and bros everywhere.
And like the product, it’s watered down and requires more effort than it’s worth to achieve the desired result.
3. Bryce Harper’s dad has been hired as the new pitching coach after his performance at the Home Run Derby in 2013.
“This guy once threw at his son in a father-son game.” But seriously, he drilled Bryce with a cutter in the final round of the 2013 HRD. Hilarious.
2. Bryce Harper wants to be Mike Trout when he grows up.
And, I wanted to be an astronaut. Occasionally things don’t work out. Looks like Harper’s stuck being himself, life’s hard sometimes.
1. In Game 2 of the NLDS, Matt Williams was ejected for arguing balls and strikes in the 10th because he couldn’t stand to watch the Nationals play for any longer.
Frankly, I don’t know how he made it to the 10th.
All kidding aside, the Washington Nationals have been pretty much handicapped to win the NL East again. The Mets and the Marlins seem to be the only teams that may stand a chance, and more the former than the latter. The Braves roster was gutted and inexplicably replaced with pitching. So, teams may not score a lot on the Braves, but without run support, Atlanta is a toothless lion. I fully expect the Braves to lead the league in 1-run losses and in games with less than 5 runs scored by the winning team. While I am bracing for a long, cold season, the Nationals and resurging Mets look to be real contenders for the pennant.
Still, the road to the Series goes through San Francisco for the NL.
Time will tell.